if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
