So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
