Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
