Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
no, he came in my armpit
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
