In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize