I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
