Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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