I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
