Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
