goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Michael Bay diarrhea
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
