I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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