this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
