the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
