so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
