I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
