Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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