I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
