Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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