somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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