now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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