well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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