Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
