I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So squirting runs in the family.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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