update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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