Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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