....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
