Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I licked your asshole in confidence.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
