I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
