And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
