"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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