How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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