Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
