i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
