Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
