Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
