You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What a dumb baby whore.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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