So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
