I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
