i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
