after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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