see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
