i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
