just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
