piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A bitchslap is in order.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize