A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your penis caused this!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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