If that was your dad, he is hot
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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