Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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