Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
