i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
