mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
