Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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