i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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