Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize