Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
