i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
