so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
