One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
