I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
