I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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