I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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