Sry I called you an 8
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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