I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
