I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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