I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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