Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
