sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
