you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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