I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
