I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
