She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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