Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
