My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
