after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
