Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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