I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
