Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have demons in me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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