was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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