Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
