I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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