I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
