My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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