Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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