sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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