Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
