I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
