Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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